The Tale of Testing Loyalty and Birthday Gifts: A Comedy of Love, Money, and Suspicion

So, there you are, sitting on your couch, staring at your phone, trying to decipher your girlfriend’s latest text. "Hey babe, I’m hungry. Can you send me some money for lunch?" And you think to yourself, “Wait... did she just ask for money again?”

You’ve been wondering for a while now: Does she love me for me, or just for my wallet? Is she a master of romance and affection, or is she just after the cash flow like a lovesick ATM? You’re facing an existential dilemma: Should you test her loyalty? And, if you do, will she pass? Should you put your heart and bank account on the line for a "test," or just buy a second fridge to store the emotional baggage?

So, you’ve come up with an elaborate plan—a true Sherlock Holmes-level test to determine whether she’s truly in love with you or just scouting for her next financial sponsorship. You know, like James Bond, but with less espionage and more Venmo.

First, you set the stage: "Hey babe, I was thinking of cutting back on my expenses. You know, tightening the purse strings." She looks at you, wide-eyed, as if you just told her you were going to cancel the yacht trip you definitely weren’t planning. "But, um, we can still go to that expensive restaurant, right?" she asks. "Of course, of course," you reply. But inside, you’re plotting the ultimate test: the "No Money For You" experiment.

Next, you start dropping hints about, let’s say, not buying her a gift for her birthday next month. She’s asking for expensive jewelry, a spa retreat, maybe even a trip to Paris (for her and a couple of friends). But you’ve got another idea. You start with: "Babe, you know, what if we did something special for your birthday… but a bit different this year. I mean, no fancy gifts. Just a little homemade card and maybe a couple of heartfelt words."

Her face is a mix of shock and disbelief. "Homemade card? Wait, you’re not serious…?" You chuckle internally—oh, this is going to be good.

The test begins! No more extravagant gifts, no more luxury dinners. You start watching her reactions closely, like a hawk. Does she seem disappointed when you suggest a casual dinner at that local taco joint instead of a Michelin-star restaurant? Does she still bring up expensive gifts or the latest luxury handbag, or is she focused on something more meaningful? When she talks about her birthday, does she say, “I can’t wait for that diamond necklace!” or “I’m excited for our day together!”

As the days roll on, you notice something interesting: she actually seems okay with the simpler gifts! Could it be? Could your grand test be failing? Or maybe she’s finally getting the message that love isn’t about how many zeros are at the end of your paycheck? Suspicion lingers, but you feel a glimmer of hope. Maybe, just maybe, she does love you for you.

But there’s still one final step—the birthday gift. Ah yes, it’s the moment of truth. You’ve scoured her social media, checking for hints like a CIA agent searching for a clue. A bottle of perfume? Nah, she’s picky. Jewelry? Too obvious. So, you decide on something truly unique: a custom star map. You know, something sentimental—because you’re a thoughtful guy, right? You plan it out perfectly. You’ll tell her it’s because she’s your “one in a million” star, the person who shines in your life, blah blah blah. You’re about to hit the “buy” button when it hits you.

Wait a minute... what if this backfires?

Then, in a moment of pure brilliance, you go with a different idea—buy a fake expensive gift to throw her off the trail! You get a gorgeous necklace online, all shiny and gold, but with a catch—it’s actually from a novelty store. She’ll love it, right? After all, it’s the thought that counts… or does it?

On the big day, you present the gift with a flourish: "Ta-da! Happy Birthday!" You wait for the tears, the “I can’t believe you did this!” moment. Instead, she smiles, nods, and says, “Oh, it’s… lovely. I love it.” She gives you a hug, but you can't help but notice the slight flicker of disappointment in her eyes. Maybe it’s not what she expected, but then again, it’s the thought that counts... right?

Later, you sit back and reflect. The test results? Inconclusive. Did she pass? Or is this all part of a greater game? One thing’s for sure—when it comes to love, there’s no clear-cut answer. But hey, you’ve learned something: next time, you might just want to buy the star map and avoid the novelty necklace altogether.

And as for that "No Money For You" test? Well, that might be the real challenge. You’ll just have to wait and see... after you wire her that next payment for her lunch.